Rick Pitino as GM of the Texans?

Figuratively speaking, we may not be that far from it. After seeing the atrocious deal laid down by Rick Smith last week, you have to wonder if Charlie Casserly is pulling a Theo Epstein and still acting as a “consultant” for the Texans’ front office.

The trade for Matt Schaub was a major mistake. Not to discredit the backup QB of three years at all, but David Carr was not the problem in Houston – the offensive line was, still is, and will continue to be the Achilles heel of a franchise that is as pitiable as any in sports.

If the Texans were going to trade for a quarterback, Michael Vick is the only guy they should have gone after. He has been the leading rusher of all NFL quarterbacks for four of the last five years (he was injured most of 2003). But Carr is no slouch when he tucks the ball either. He ran for 308 yards in 2005, averaging over five yards per carry, good for 2nd among all NFL quarterbacks behind Vick. Those aren’t astonishing figures by any means, but beggars can’t be choosers.

But let’s be honest, a trade involving Vick was never even a consideration.

Which begs the question, unless you run a freakish 4.2 in the forty-yard dash, can any quarterback scramble away from 246 sacks in five years?

Matt Schaub certainly won’t do it. This is the Matt Schaub who ran a 4.9 at the combine in ‘04. This is the Matt Schaub who has two career starts, both losses. This is the Matt Schaub who rushed 132 times for a whopping 58 yards over his four-year career at Virginia. When you’re as effective a pocket passer as he was in college, why run, right? But it corroborates my point: a pocket passer is a deer in headlights behind that Texans’ O-line.

Nonetheless, let’s take a more in-depth look at the logistics of the trade and the implications for each team:

For Atlanta, this shows that in the couple months Bobby Petrino has been at the helm of the Falcons, he is obviously impressed and convinced that Michael Vick can continue to develop into the star they thought they drafted out of Virginia Tech back in 2001. It eliminates any quarterback controversy that may have evolved in training camp, and it certainly shows that the Falcons didn’t consider Schaub to be the golden boy that the Texans are now crowning him as. At least not to the tune of $48 million.

Meanwhile, by swapping first round picks with Houston, the Falcons will make the 8th selection in this year’s draft (Houston will select 10th). With that pick, the Falcons could address a serious need at defensive end, especially after one-time Pro Bowler Patrick Kerney defected to Seattle this off-season for a lucrative deal. An attractive pick in this slot is Arkansas’ Jamaal Anderson, the SEC First-Team selection who registered 13.5 sacks in 2006.

And with the Texans’ second round draft pick included, the Falcons will have comfort and flexibility of three of the first 45 selections. Only the Texans themselves could screw that up.

As far as those bumbling Texans, they cut ties with the face of their franchise since its inception in 2002. And their new field general? He signed that modest six-year, $48 million deal that guarantees $20 million over the first three years, followed by a $10 million team option that will trigger the final three years of the deal. Gil Meche, anyone? Way to open up your coffers for a guy whose is 0-2 in three seasons and has completed only 52.2% of his passes.

Look, I realize David Carr wasn’t Gary Kubiak’s guy, but Matt Schaub shouldn’t be either. This isn’t like the Broncos system, where you or I could go in and rush for 1,500 yards and half a dozen scores, then have some cashier from Starbucks do just as well the following year. Unless the Texans inspire Disney to film, “Angels in the Backfield,” it will take nothing short of such a divine intervention for Schaub to turn around this franchise that has been stuck in neutral for five seasons.

The point is, this was a clearly a better move for the Falcons than it was for the Texans. Three draft picks, a controversy eliminated and $2.3 million off the books versus an unproven quarterback and a shoddier draft position. Rick Smith should be charged with robbery, because for the Falcons, that was an absolute steal.

-Bess