Here we go, WrestleMania is tomorrow and the entire WWE roster crawled to the finish line with barely any health left. For those of you unfamiliar with me, I'm a self titled WWE Insider* who bought one share of the WWE at $16.13 and turned it into $16.38. For you simpletons who can't appreciate high finance, that's a return of around 1.5% of my investment. The fact that I haven't graduated early with my finance degree is a disgrace to finance, but I digress.
For those of you unfamiliar with my work, I'm the guy who writes WWE previews for The Brief. I generally have a good feel for how the matches will go, but I tend to pick with my heart instead because that makes cheering in the matches much for fun.
If you're an avid fan of The E, then you don't need much of an introduction, but for those casual fans and others who just started following, just know that the roster is very depleted and is missing some top stars such as Cena, Orton, Cesaro, and my personal favorite, Seth Freaking Rollins. What makes this years WrestleMania worth watching is that 1. It's WrestleMania and 2. It's being held in Cowboy Stadium and is expected to be the biggest, most star studded Mania of all time.
Anyways, let's get into it and take a look at the card.
Pre Show
It looks like the WWE is really trying to build up the Pre Show now and it will also be featured on USA before the PPV. I'm assuming that if you're reading this, you'll probably be watching the PPV and the Pre Show being on USA doesn't mean much. But it's a nice gesture I guess..
Kalisto (c) vs. Ryback (US Championship)
This one could go either way in my opinion. Realistically, Ryback could beat the shit out of most people on the roster and it looks like he's being built up as somewhat of an ass kicking heel with a style similar to Goldberg. But Ryback is a guy who doesn't really have to win in order to get over with the crowd and be successful. Kalisto is being built up as the next Rey Mysterio, and much like a politician, Vince McMahon is trying to get money from the Hispanic demographic and clearly feels that having a Hispanic champion is what'll do that. In my mind, McMahon should focus less on breaking down the Spanish announce table every PPV and focus more on building up interracial relations, and this seems like a step in the right direction.
I expect Kalisto to get his ass kicked a little to start to showcase Ryback's strength, but a comeback win and retention of the championship with some big athletic spots seems like the move here.
Pick: Kalisto
Team Total Divas vs. Team B.A.D. and Beautiful
I'm too lazy to write out every name in this match because quite frankly, I don't care. This is basically a throw in match to get the other Divas on the card but most of them are pretty trash at wrestling. I'd expect Team Total Divas to win because this is probably just a shoot to help promote their show and adds a nice storyline for them as well. Maybe this will solidify Lana as a true wrestler, maybe not. Same for Eva Marie who received the exact opposite of a heroes welcome when she returned this week on RAW. But whatever.
Pick: Team Total Divas
Andre The Giant 30 20 Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal
So far, 16 of 20 contestants have been announced.
Heath Slater, Curtis Axel, Adam Rose, Bo Dallas, Big Show, Kane, Tyler Breeze, Mark Henry, Jack Swagger, Fandango, Damien Sandow, Darren Young, Konnor, Viktor, Goldust, R-Truth
But if you listened to this weeks #DORK podcast, you'd know that my pick isn't even in the declared field yet. And that pick is Braun Strowman. With the disappointment given to us over the last two years of the Battle Royal, I could see guys like The Social Outcasts winning (numbers game), or Mark Henry, Kane, and Big Show winning (legends). but I think Vince might have this one figured out.
Let us not forget that the Wyatt's also have numbers on their side and even with Harper out are still to most dominant stable in the company. I expect Wyatt, Strowman, and Rowan to be 3 of the last 4 entires in the match and to win in their usual way of ganging up on people.
One thing to notice, however, is that with the injury to Luke Harper and alleged back injury that Wyatt himself has been dealing with, that leaves 1, possibly two spots open. Don't be shocked if guys like Cesaro or Orton (he's on the betting odds on Bovada) make surprise returns, or an NXT guy like Samoa Joe makes his main roster debut. I'm not sure if they'd exactly win and I'm pretty set on Strowman winning, but don't be shocked if it comes down to some of those guys at the end.
Pick: Braun Strowman
Main Card
The New Day vs. League of Nations (3v4, Non Title Match)
Apparently, this one isn't for the belt, which is whatever. But this match poses the first legitimate threat the New Day has faced since The Brass Rings club disassembled due to Tyson Kidd's injury, and not because of the talent of the League of Nations (garbage) but because of the numbers game not being in the favor of The New Day for the first time ever.
I'm excited because I think Xavier Woods will finally get to showcase his hidden abilities in the ring instead of just eating finishers while being the mouthpiece of the stable.
Expect the League of Nations to assert their dominance in strength and numbers early, but expects the newly crowned baby faces (The New Day) to come back and win. A loss for them wouldn't be the worst thing ever because the titles aren't on the line and it would draw more heat to the League of Nations, but with tag teams like Enzo and Cass (NXT) waiting in the wings, I except a New Day win to end this feud, give them a Mania moment, and most on to something better while they ride off into the sunset on their unicorns.
P.S. there is room here for some sort of run in, but I don't know who it could be so I'll just refrain from any bad predictions.
Pick: New Day
Charlotte (c) vs. Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch
As good as all three of these wrestlers are, the only names that matter in this match are the first two given. Charlotte and Ric Flair have served as two great heels during her title reign and Sasha has been built up as a Kevin Owens type heel where know matter how many scummy heel qualities they posses, the crowd still loves them but boos them because they deserve it for being so good at what they do. Sadly, Becky Lynch just doesn't stand a chance.
I'm sure Lynch will show great offense and resiliency, but this match is really between Charlotte and Sasha and those two will probably carry a program past Mania as well.
I'm a huge Sasha Banks guy because she's hot and cool and Snoop Dogg is her uncle/god father (idk) so I expect a huge entrance from her since Snoop will be around after getting inducted into the WWE HOF.
Pick: Sasha Banks
AJ Styles vs. Chris Jerchio
For the millionth time, we get to see these two go at it again. Of all recurring matches that drag out rivalries, this one I like the most. Styles and Y2J have been ELECTRIC in the ring and will put on a good match no matter what, especially at Styles' first WrestleMania. It's tough to see Styles losing here, especially with it (hopefully) being the end of the feud, but who knows.
Pick: AJ Styles
Kevin Owens (c) vs. Sami Zayn vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Sin Cara vs. Miz vs. Stardust vs. Zack Ryder (Ladder Match For the Intercontinental Championship)
There's a few ways this one could play out:
1. Kevin Owens wins because he's the GOAT and watching him lose anything takes years off of my life.
2. Sami Zayn wins and immediately puts us into an Owens/Zayn feud
3. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn let their rivalry get the best of them and start their own fight. Meanwhile, someone like Dolph sneaks away and snatches the belt.
All three seem pretty possible to me, but I'll talk option one for two reasons. The first being that Owens needs to win at KO Mania and keep building himself as a prizefighting champion. Second being that this can put off the Owens/Zayn feud until Summerslam, possibly next Mania, where they are sure to get a huge draw and let the tensions build up. I wouldn't exactly be opposed to the other two options, but option 1 just seems most logical to me and I'm a huge Owens guy so that's who I'll be cheering for.
Pick: Kevin Owens
WARNING: If you don't feel like reading some of Besse's Be Bolder Predictions Brought to You By Butterfinger, kindly stop reading.
Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose (Street Fight)
I'm just gunna say it now, the logical pick here is Brock Lesnar. There, I said it. But if everyone played it safe, we'd have a world full of people doing missionary sex and rooting for the Yankees, and that's not the world I want to live in. So let me mark out for a little and tell you exactly how Deam Ambrose wins this fight.
The entrances hit, Brock does his typical athletic shit to make sure we're aware of him being a beast. Then Ambrose's generic entrance music that he took straight from a WWE video game hits, and out he comes with his wagon full of toys looking crazier than ever. He circles the ring a few times, maybe throws some weapons around, but now it's show time. Brock bullrushes Ambrose as the bell rings and proceeds to demolish Ambrose for a good chuck of the match, but guess what, Dean is crazy. Eventually, Dean starts getting some offense back, but the Beast keeps recovering and continuing with his assault. Then, we are all reminded of the rules of the match when Dean, how has just been thrown over the barricade, comes up with a chair and starts smashing Lesnar's body.The two fighters start showcasing their hardcore abilities by trading weapon shots, but Lesnar just can't go down. After more back and forth it looks like Dean has finally conquered The Beast. He goes to hit him with a Dirty Deeds, and as it looks like he's about to finally get that big win that he's been waiting for... Darkness.
As the lights come on and the crowd is confused, we see group of bearded men surrounding the ring, two wearing sheep masks. "OH MY GOD, IT'S THE WYATTS!" yells Michael Cole, as the group enters the ring and begins attacking the fighters, starting with Ambrose. They throw Ambrose out of the ring and shift their focus to Brock, the beast they have yet to conquer. They begin their assault on Lesnar and things are looking bleak, but Lesnar begins fighting his way back. As he finally fights off the family, he turns around into an assault by Dean Ambrose and his weapons which leads to Dean eventually pinning the Beast clean in the ring.
Pick: Dean Ambrose
Shane McMahon vs. The Undertaker (Hell in a Cell)
The build up to this match started out so strong due the the nostalgia that came with it. But after that, things got pretty awkward. Now Shane is fighting to win control of Monday Night Raw, and Undertaker is basically fighting because his boss told him to or else he's basically done as a wrestler. This match is going to have some HUGE spots, and that's a guarantee. But there's just no way this match can end cleanly, I just don't see it. So here are some of my predictions for the possible ending of this match.
1. Shane goes on a Cinderella type run in this match and manages to get the upper hand. Being the showman that he is, he decides to go for too big of a spot (my hope being a jump from the top or the cell onto the Spanish announce table. Sadly, Undertaker gets out of the way and leaves Shane for dead while dragging his lifeless body back into the ring for the 1, 2, 3 pin. This way, Shane loses, but goes out looking like a hero willing to die for the company.
2. Undertaker beats Shane to a pulp, but the resilient Shane-O-Mac refuses to quit. McMahon, being the hot head that he is, loses his mind and enters the cell. "PIN HIM, GOD DAMMIT!" he yells at The Deadman. But Taker, who from the jump said he isn't taking sides on this situation, loses his mind and choke slams his boss into oblivion. Does he pin Shane here? NOPE. THAT'S RIGHT, Undertaker takes a dive, laying down and pulling Shane's dead body onto his arm, changing hands of Monday Night Raw.
3. Shane McMahon, knowing the clear disadvantage he's at going against The Undertaker, at WrestleMania, in Hell in a Cell, has a little something up his sleeve. This is where he brings in some new guys (my hope is the Balor Club) to help Shane win. My view on this possibility is that it debuts to long awaited Balor Club and doesn't make them heels for interfering to defeat Taker because people really want Vince and The Authority gone. The Balor Club isn't the most realistic expectation, just what I hope for, but expect some run ins at the very least.
4. This is my favorite one, and I could honestly see it happening. Imagine if at any point during the match, probably while Taker is controlling the offense, out of nowhere, the glass shatters and out comes STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN. For those of you unfamiliar with the Attitude Era, Austin vs. McMahon was one of the greatest rivalries in all of sports (entertainment). So wouldn't it be something if The Rattlesnake came out one last time in his home state of Texas, to deliver a stunner to the Boss? The could lead to and Undertaker distraction and a Shane win.
If I still owned part of that company, I'd make sure one of these four scenarios came to life, but I can't make that promise. Either way, it gives me something to root for. This one is tough to pick due to teh stipulations, but for the sake of my fandom...
Prediction: Shane McMahon
HHH (c) vs. Roman Reigns (WWE World Heavyweight Championship)
Both of these mens are sure to put on an unreal match, but at this point in time, how obvious is a Reigns win here? I think that's what makes the match so uninteresting. The WWE has spent the last 2 years trying to get Roman over as a face and despite the negative reaction every time, they refuse to give up.
That's why I'm rooting for a heel turn here. The Reigns win is so inevitable that there's no point in talking about the match, it'll be great, trust me. But imagine after the match, when the crowd barely reacts to their new 3 time champ and all the some "IF YA SUHMELLLLLLLLLL" comes blaring on the speakers? The crowd would go NUTS as The Rock comes out to congratulate his cousin (maybe brother, nephew, idk, all samoans are related) and after a nice arm raise, Reigns hits one of the biggest company legends EVER with a spear. Now that'll get him over as a heel nicely. Plus, The Rock is the king at over selling shots, so what would be great to watch.
Don't think it could be The Rock? Well then try a John Cena return, who is sure to get a huge pop as well. He claims to be ready for a return, and is just waiting for the call. Imagine is Cena comes out in some fashion and Reigns attacks him instead? With Cena's impending in ring return, that could start quite the program behind the biggest Super Face in the companies history (debatable, but I'll say it anyways) and the newly crowned Super Heel Champ. Makes you think.
A Reigns heel turn also sets up an interesting future program between him and Ambrose, along with the return of Seth Rollins which seems to be around the summer.
Anyways, that's all I've got for this one. The card isn't exactly the sexiest one we've ever seen, but with the big venue and growing attraction, you know the company is going to go all out for this one.
Thought? Criticisms? Find me on Twitter a @KButter_22 or send me money on Venmo to @kiernan-besse
Blessings,
Little Besse
*I read a lot of WWE rumors before I go to bed every night
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