No, not the movie. But the woman on PIR this morning. At 11am PIR came on the air with the usual flashing lights, cheering crowd and excitement it has every morning. And again, CBS continues to not let us down, providing some of the dumbest people we've ever seen.
Case in point, a middle-aged woman named Mary today. The first item up for bid was a sauna from Almost Heaven. Right away I yelled $2200. It was a lock. So the first three people went and made standard bids of $4500, $1200, and $1400. Now listen, I know I already said 2200 was a lock. But there's no way that thing is more than $4500. So she could have done one of two things...bid $1 and hope it's less than $1200, which is stupid, or bid $1401 and assume it'll be between $1400 and $4500. It gave her the best chance to win. Even if she thought it was over $4500, all she had to do was bid $4501. But did she do any of those? Absolutely not. Instead, she bid "Twelve thousand ninety-nine dollars!!!" That's $12,099. Drew asked if she meant $1299, to which she said no and insisted it was $12,099. Wow. Actual retail price is..............$2,400. Sorry, Mary.
But wait, Mary isn't the only moron on the show today. Meet Ferdinand, the same guy who proceeded to group Satya, the newest contestant to bidder's row after her name was called. In fact he lifted her off the ground and twirled her around two full rotations. But I digress. Next item up for bid was a Venetian, cast iron outdoor fireplace from Thebluerooster.com. Satya bid $400, Mary bid $450 and Patricia threw out $275 (which was stupid, why not just bid $1). In steps Ferdinand. Now listen, you've only got $125 separating Patricia and Satya's bid. There's not much room for error there, and the fireplace HAS to be more than $450. But he bid $276 instead of $451. Mary won and had the chance to win a new car, which bothers me. She's clearly and idiot and won by default (because Ferdinand is a bigger idiot) and yet she gets lucky and has a chance to win a car. Thankfully the world restored order and she lost.
While I was blogging this, Ferdinand just proved again that he does not know how to play the game. Fourth item up for bid was a 3-in-1 game table with pool, table hockey and foozeball. Bobby bid $750, Charita bid $550 and Patricia bid $299 (again, just bid a dollar). Ferdinand, if you think it's more than $750, just bid $751. Instead he bid $899. Actual retail value was $587, so he wouldn't have won anyway, but it proves my point, he's retarded.
And Ferdinand just shocked the world. He just won the fifth item up for bid and got to play the Mountain Climber game. Unfortunately for Ferdinand, his stroke of intelligence was brief and clearly a fluke. For those of you unaware, you have to guess the price of up to three items, and for each dollar amount you are off, the mountain climber ascends the hill the number of notches you are off for each respective item. Among the three items, you are allowed to be off by a total of $25 before the climber falls off the mountain. But if you keep him on it after all three items, you win the prize.
Ferdinand's first item was recipe cards from Betty Crocker. He guessed $25 and the actual price was $17. He was off by $8 and so the climber ascended eight notches. Not bad. If he did that two more times, he'd win. Next item was a ceramic pitcher. Nice looking item, not cheap by any means. Ferdinand went ahead and bid $15 for this not cheap item. He was wrong, and the mountain climber began his ascent up the hill. He hit 20 at which point Drew began clamoring for the thing to "STOP!!! STOP!!! STOP!!!" But to no avail, as the climber plunged off the hill and ended the game for Ferdinand. Actual price was $35, meaning Ferdinand was off by a solid $20. Just awful. I hope he makes the showcase...stay tuned...
Alright Ferdinand had a disappointing showing with the wheel so he's out. It's down to Charita and Kathlene. First showcase is...a collection of designer watches from Gucci, Burberry and more. A full living room set. And a pair of Honda motorcycles. She passed it along to Kathlene. She bid $45, 353. At first I panicked for Kathlene. But I think she's okay here.
Second showcase is...a remote control plane (bet she wishes she didn't pass it). A hot air balloon trip in Colorado. This is awful right now. They better turn it up. Okay a six-night stay in a log cabin in Hidden Pines. Not bad. But this is weak, they've done better. Last is air-to-air combat lessons at fighter school. This is brutal. Actually it's a 6-night trip to Vegas and a fighter pilot flying experience. I take back what I said earlier, this trip is bad-ass. She's got two sick trips and gets to fly in a combat plane. Wow. She bid $32,000. That's safe to me because Kathlene may have overbid. Let's wait and see...
Alright here we go. I was right. Wow. Kathlene's actual retail price of her showcase was only $20,182. Wow, I'm shocked. She was over by $25,000 that's awful, but great for Charita. Actual retail price of Charita was only $15,000. Holy sh*t. This wasn't even close. Double overs, how anticlimactic. Time for the 12 o'clock news. Later.
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