Let the fun begin. The first chick got her name called and took so long jumping up and down in the aisle that the second person whose name was called made it to bidder’s row before her. The announcer even waited a while just giving her a chance to get down there, but she was too busy pulling her pants up and screaming they just gave up.
First game is Flip Flop. It was over in less than 30 seconds. That was unbelievable. Guy was going for two bikes and there were two amounts, “79” and “89” side by side. The price of the bikes was NOT $7989, but he could flip either or both of the numbers to make a new price. He went for $7998. Drew revealed the retail price and it was $9798. Game over. Just like that. Kind of sucks. I’d want to be up there for at least two minutes. This guy had like 30 seconds.
Second item up for bid is an electric range. No clue. Don’t even want it. And we just had an awkward moment and a funny one within a minute of each other. First off a woman got outbid by $1 for the second game in a row. And she lost because of it. So Drew goes, “Oh man, Ruth that’s the second…” and then Ruth interrupts Drew on her microphone and goes, “Excuse me, Drew? Can you please call me Ruthie?”
I mean really? You’re on the PIR and you have the balls to ask Drew to call you Ruthie? Who the hell do you think you are?
So the guy that outbid “Ruthie” goes up and tells Drew, “I want that car. Give me that car!” Then they open up the door and “IT’S A NEW CARRRRRR!” This guy obviously read my blog last week when I claimed they always give a car away by the second bidding. And now he’s playing Hole-in-One. Drew just took a practice shot and lipped out. Little too much steam on it. But this guy is putting from the closest line because he just guessed the price of all six items. This guy is awesome. He’s putting from less than a foot away and he is taking practice cuts. My dad just walked in and goes, “How can he miss, look at the size of the f*cking hole.” The guy just put it in the center of the cup and won the car.
And we just came back from commercial and Drew was in the crowd with the guy that won the car. He forgot that the guy won an extra $500 for getting the price of all the grocery items right. He had to repeat it 3 times because the guy couldn’t hear him, and once he realized what Drew was saying he jumped out of his seat and leapt around for a few seconds some more. These people are priceless.
“Ruthie” just had her vengeance. She was last to bid and outbid the highest win by $1. And she won. But I have to comment on the second woman who bid. The first bid was $440. She bid $445. Really? Just save yourself the trouble and bid $441. I don’t understand what people are thinking. So “Ruthie” is going for a dinette set, guitar and LCD TV. She has to guess the item that costs the most. “Ruthie” announced she thought it was the dinette set, but that her friends said it was the LCD TV. I’m not sure why she’s even debating this. It’s clearly the LCD TV. It’s like a 50”, this isn’t even close. If they can fit the dinette set on the same stage as a guitar and TV, the set obviously isn’t a) that big and b) that nice. She decided to listen to her friends, thank god. So they’re revealing the prices. The dinette set is $1099 and guitar is $1699. Drew just told her that if she’d listened to herself, she would’ve lost already. The TV is $2199 and “Ruthie” just won, but it was very undeserving. Onto the wheel…
David is first to go. He’s the only person who didn’t win so far. First spin was $.25. This is not David’s day. He just spun $1.00 so he’s over. What a miserable outing on the show. “Ruthie” is spinning now. She got $.40. She’s spinning again. If she goes over this dude automatically wins. Nope. Oh jesus. She didn’t even make it all the way around. She’s spinning again. Barely made it around. Oh god. She got another $.55. She’s at $.95. This is annoying. This chick is retarded and weak and she’s dominating. So Harold is spinning and he just announced “My wife is pregnant and I’d like to give all my glory to God, he changed my life.” In other words, you’re a recovering drug addict. Drew quickly focused on the baby though, congratulating him and asking if it was his first. It’s not, it’s his second. The first one is probably a crack baby. Harold went over, “Ruthie” advances. Truly a sign of the Apocolypse.
Fourth item up for bid is a fooze ball table. The screaming chick from earlier? She just won. This is awful. She just turned it into an open mic session. She’s giving shout out after shout out. And she has the biggest beak I’ve ever seen. Not only in terms of length, but the shear girth of this thing is tremendous. It actually goes up before sloping back down. It’s got like levels. This is crazy. She is trying to win a trip to China, a wine cabinet and a toy car. This is crazy. There were nine numbers listed and she had to guess the price of each. The China trip was four consecutive numbers, the cabinet was three and the toy car was two. I called it right off the bat, but she went in a different direction. Then she went back and moved stuff around for an entire minute before settling with what she originally had. If you’re gonna go through all that trouble and keep us waiting, at least make a freakin’ change. Rightfully so, she was wrong, I was right. Take your beak back to your seat and wait for the wheel you bird.
Next item up for bid is a new laptop computer from Dell. I’m going with $1100. Wow, it was $1104. That’s awesome. Jacob just won and he’s up on stage screaming “USCCCCCCCC!!!” He just apologized to Drew. I think he realizes how obnoxious he is right now. And naturally, this loser is going for a new car. I like this game. That’s-Too-Much. He has to find the price that is JUST over the actual price of the car. This guy is lost. Wow, he guessed that $19,552 was too much and he was about $2K under. That’s tough. Maybe that’ll shut him up.
Oh wow this last item for bid is sick. An Xbox360 and PS3 with RockBand, GuitarHero and more. Wow Shirley is new to bidder’s row and she went with $1,032. God. This bothers me. Second bid was $1400. Third bid was $1401. And Kira started jumping up and down right away and screamed out “$1402!!!” See that just bothers me. You’re rubbing it in the face of the people next to you. I wanted nothing more than for her to lose. Okay I really hate this chick. She had to guess the price of a new spa. It was either $7213 or $8187. She was breathing heavy and jumping and yelled out Alkazam and won. Why do annoying, stupid people always seem to win. She’ll probably win the wheel too. In fact I’m calling it. She’s gonna win the wheel AND the showcase showdown. In fact I’ll go a step further and say she’ll spin $1.00 on the wheel and win both showcases. That’s how much I hate this chick.
Alright Jacob is up first. He wanted to give his shout out before even spinning. Drew had to tell him to spin first and then he could say whatever he wanted. And we just found out he’s probably gay. He gave a shout out to his family AND the girls from some sorority that he came with. He’s definitely the gay friend. Then Andrea stepped up and spun so hard she wiped out. I was typing and looked up to find her picking herself up off the floor. My pick Kira just went over. Thank god. I was hoping I’d jink her.
Speaking of which, I’d like to give a shout out to my buddy Kevin. He’s now lost 7 straight on Streak for Cash. He took John Rollins yesterday to win the Buick Invitational. The guy had a 3 stroke lead with 8 to play and lost. So he texted me and told me he was at six, and that the Utah Jazz were screwed because he took them last night AT Golden State. I immediately panicked because I had gotten two in a row but also took the Jazz. Then after thinking about it, I figured I’d stick with my pick because it seemed like a gimme. If you haven’t seen the movie “The Cooler” yet, check it out, because that’s what Kevin is right now. The Jazz got smoked by 20 and my streak is back at zero while Kevin sits at 7 losses in a row.
Back to PIR. First showcase is up! First item is a living room group with tables, lamps, rug and couches. An inversion table. Some stupid exercise machine. “Ruthie” is pretending to be excited. And then there’s a sailboat. She looks blown away by all of this. The showcase sucks and I think she’s going to bid on it. Oh wow I’m surprised she passed it. Even Drew was surprised. He said to her, “You seem really excited about this showcase.” And Jacob just bid $23,000. And he already lost if “Ruthie” bids $1. He’s definitely over. There’s no way that thing is higher than $17,000. She’s going for an evening gown, a six-day cruise and a 3-day trip to London. And $3,000 cash. I’d say $19,000, but again, I’d only bid $1. I’m sure Jacob is over. And “Ruthie” just asked, “So I need to add them ALL up?” Really? What else are you going to do? Oh my god. This is unbelievable. She’s sounding it out with her friends over the microphone. That was really annoying. Especially when someone started to tell her $75,000 and she said, “Oh you craaaazyyyy.” She ended up bidding $17,000. I think she’s better off with $1 but she’s probably still going to win.
Actual retail price of “Ruthie’s” showcase was $19,312. For the record, if I had bid my $19,000 I would win both showcases. Let that be known. Jacob is up. Actual retail price is $20,469. He’s over, just like I said. Go back to your sorority, pal.
I just asked my dad what the odds were of him cheffing up an egg sandwich for me. He mumbled, “Umm, I don’t know.” Then proceeded to tell me there were “plenty of other things out here.” In other words, he doesn’t feel like cooking. He just came in and asked if I’d settle for scrambled. I’ll take it. So I’m gonna take care of the toast. I’ll see ya.
-Bess
Showing posts with label PIR. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PIR. Show all posts
Monday, February 9, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
There's Something About Mary
No, not the movie. But the woman on PIR this morning. At 11am PIR came on the air with the usual flashing lights, cheering crowd and excitement it has every morning. And again, CBS continues to not let us down, providing some of the dumbest people we've ever seen.
Case in point, a middle-aged woman named Mary today. The first item up for bid was a sauna from Almost Heaven. Right away I yelled $2200. It was a lock. So the first three people went and made standard bids of $4500, $1200, and $1400. Now listen, I know I already said 2200 was a lock. But there's no way that thing is more than $4500. So she could have done one of two things...bid $1 and hope it's less than $1200, which is stupid, or bid $1401 and assume it'll be between $1400 and $4500. It gave her the best chance to win. Even if she thought it was over $4500, all she had to do was bid $4501. But did she do any of those? Absolutely not. Instead, she bid "Twelve thousand ninety-nine dollars!!!" That's $12,099. Drew asked if she meant $1299, to which she said no and insisted it was $12,099. Wow. Actual retail price is..............$2,400. Sorry, Mary.
But wait, Mary isn't the only moron on the show today. Meet Ferdinand, the same guy who proceeded to group Satya, the newest contestant to bidder's row after her name was called. In fact he lifted her off the ground and twirled her around two full rotations. But I digress. Next item up for bid was a Venetian, cast iron outdoor fireplace from Thebluerooster.com. Satya bid $400, Mary bid $450 and Patricia threw out $275 (which was stupid, why not just bid $1). In steps Ferdinand. Now listen, you've only got $125 separating Patricia and Satya's bid. There's not much room for error there, and the fireplace HAS to be more than $450. But he bid $276 instead of $451. Mary won and had the chance to win a new car, which bothers me. She's clearly and idiot and won by default (because Ferdinand is a bigger idiot) and yet she gets lucky and has a chance to win a car. Thankfully the world restored order and she lost.
While I was blogging this, Ferdinand just proved again that he does not know how to play the game. Fourth item up for bid was a 3-in-1 game table with pool, table hockey and foozeball. Bobby bid $750, Charita bid $550 and Patricia bid $299 (again, just bid a dollar). Ferdinand, if you think it's more than $750, just bid $751. Instead he bid $899. Actual retail value was $587, so he wouldn't have won anyway, but it proves my point, he's retarded.
And Ferdinand just shocked the world. He just won the fifth item up for bid and got to play the Mountain Climber game. Unfortunately for Ferdinand, his stroke of intelligence was brief and clearly a fluke. For those of you unaware, you have to guess the price of up to three items, and for each dollar amount you are off, the mountain climber ascends the hill the number of notches you are off for each respective item. Among the three items, you are allowed to be off by a total of $25 before the climber falls off the mountain. But if you keep him on it after all three items, you win the prize.
Ferdinand's first item was recipe cards from Betty Crocker. He guessed $25 and the actual price was $17. He was off by $8 and so the climber ascended eight notches. Not bad. If he did that two more times, he'd win. Next item was a ceramic pitcher. Nice looking item, not cheap by any means. Ferdinand went ahead and bid $15 for this not cheap item. He was wrong, and the mountain climber began his ascent up the hill. He hit 20 at which point Drew began clamoring for the thing to "STOP!!! STOP!!! STOP!!!" But to no avail, as the climber plunged off the hill and ended the game for Ferdinand. Actual price was $35, meaning Ferdinand was off by a solid $20. Just awful. I hope he makes the showcase...stay tuned...
Alright Ferdinand had a disappointing showing with the wheel so he's out. It's down to Charita and Kathlene. First showcase is...a collection of designer watches from Gucci, Burberry and more. A full living room set. And a pair of Honda motorcycles. She passed it along to Kathlene. She bid $45, 353. At first I panicked for Kathlene. But I think she's okay here.
Second showcase is...a remote control plane (bet she wishes she didn't pass it). A hot air balloon trip in Colorado. This is awful right now. They better turn it up. Okay a six-night stay in a log cabin in Hidden Pines. Not bad. But this is weak, they've done better. Last is air-to-air combat lessons at fighter school. This is brutal. Actually it's a 6-night trip to Vegas and a fighter pilot flying experience. I take back what I said earlier, this trip is bad-ass. She's got two sick trips and gets to fly in a combat plane. Wow. She bid $32,000. That's safe to me because Kathlene may have overbid. Let's wait and see...
Alright here we go. I was right. Wow. Kathlene's actual retail price of her showcase was only $20,182. Wow, I'm shocked. She was over by $25,000 that's awful, but great for Charita. Actual retail price of Charita was only $15,000. Holy sh*t. This wasn't even close. Double overs, how anticlimactic. Time for the 12 o'clock news. Later.
Case in point, a middle-aged woman named Mary today. The first item up for bid was a sauna from Almost Heaven. Right away I yelled $2200. It was a lock. So the first three people went and made standard bids of $4500, $1200, and $1400. Now listen, I know I already said 2200 was a lock. But there's no way that thing is more than $4500. So she could have done one of two things...bid $1 and hope it's less than $1200, which is stupid, or bid $1401 and assume it'll be between $1400 and $4500. It gave her the best chance to win. Even if she thought it was over $4500, all she had to do was bid $4501. But did she do any of those? Absolutely not. Instead, she bid "Twelve thousand ninety-nine dollars!!!" That's $12,099. Drew asked if she meant $1299, to which she said no and insisted it was $12,099. Wow. Actual retail price is..............$2,400. Sorry, Mary.
But wait, Mary isn't the only moron on the show today. Meet Ferdinand, the same guy who proceeded to group Satya, the newest contestant to bidder's row after her name was called. In fact he lifted her off the ground and twirled her around two full rotations. But I digress. Next item up for bid was a Venetian, cast iron outdoor fireplace from Thebluerooster.com. Satya bid $400, Mary bid $450 and Patricia threw out $275 (which was stupid, why not just bid $1). In steps Ferdinand. Now listen, you've only got $125 separating Patricia and Satya's bid. There's not much room for error there, and the fireplace HAS to be more than $450. But he bid $276 instead of $451. Mary won and had the chance to win a new car, which bothers me. She's clearly and idiot and won by default (because Ferdinand is a bigger idiot) and yet she gets lucky and has a chance to win a car. Thankfully the world restored order and she lost.
While I was blogging this, Ferdinand just proved again that he does not know how to play the game. Fourth item up for bid was a 3-in-1 game table with pool, table hockey and foozeball. Bobby bid $750, Charita bid $550 and Patricia bid $299 (again, just bid a dollar). Ferdinand, if you think it's more than $750, just bid $751. Instead he bid $899. Actual retail value was $587, so he wouldn't have won anyway, but it proves my point, he's retarded.
And Ferdinand just shocked the world. He just won the fifth item up for bid and got to play the Mountain Climber game. Unfortunately for Ferdinand, his stroke of intelligence was brief and clearly a fluke. For those of you unaware, you have to guess the price of up to three items, and for each dollar amount you are off, the mountain climber ascends the hill the number of notches you are off for each respective item. Among the three items, you are allowed to be off by a total of $25 before the climber falls off the mountain. But if you keep him on it after all three items, you win the prize.
Ferdinand's first item was recipe cards from Betty Crocker. He guessed $25 and the actual price was $17. He was off by $8 and so the climber ascended eight notches. Not bad. If he did that two more times, he'd win. Next item was a ceramic pitcher. Nice looking item, not cheap by any means. Ferdinand went ahead and bid $15 for this not cheap item. He was wrong, and the mountain climber began his ascent up the hill. He hit 20 at which point Drew began clamoring for the thing to "STOP!!! STOP!!! STOP!!!" But to no avail, as the climber plunged off the hill and ended the game for Ferdinand. Actual price was $35, meaning Ferdinand was off by a solid $20. Just awful. I hope he makes the showcase...stay tuned...
Alright Ferdinand had a disappointing showing with the wheel so he's out. It's down to Charita and Kathlene. First showcase is...a collection of designer watches from Gucci, Burberry and more. A full living room set. And a pair of Honda motorcycles. She passed it along to Kathlene. She bid $45, 353. At first I panicked for Kathlene. But I think she's okay here.
Second showcase is...a remote control plane (bet she wishes she didn't pass it). A hot air balloon trip in Colorado. This is awful right now. They better turn it up. Okay a six-night stay in a log cabin in Hidden Pines. Not bad. But this is weak, they've done better. Last is air-to-air combat lessons at fighter school. This is brutal. Actually it's a 6-night trip to Vegas and a fighter pilot flying experience. I take back what I said earlier, this trip is bad-ass. She's got two sick trips and gets to fly in a combat plane. Wow. She bid $32,000. That's safe to me because Kathlene may have overbid. Let's wait and see...
Alright here we go. I was right. Wow. Kathlene's actual retail price of her showcase was only $20,182. Wow, I'm shocked. She was over by $25,000 that's awful, but great for Charita. Actual retail price of Charita was only $15,000. Holy sh*t. This wasn't even close. Double overs, how anticlimactic. Time for the 12 o'clock news. Later.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
My life of unemployment
So I got laid off last week. Last Tuesday actually. Right after Barack O'Bama was inaugurated as the 44th President of the United States. Right after he spoke about "hope". And "change". And "creating more jobs for Americans". Right after I got back from DSW and spending $120 on two pairs of new shoes, one of which was for an interview I had scheduled with another company the following day. Oh the irony.
But alas, I have already developed a solid daily routine. I wake up by 8am, sometimes earlier if I bring my brother to school. At 8am I begin switching between FoxNews and The Today Show. At 9am it's Regis and Kelly, then back to the Today Show at 10am. Finally, at 11am, it's PIR. Nothing else. No excuses. Easily it's the greatest show on television whether you hate Drew Carey or not. At this point, I don't even care. I love the games, bidding on prizes and the idiots they allow on television.
Which is why I'm blogging right now. This morning there's a woman named "Claire" in the far right position on bidder's row. Through the first two bids, she made two of the biggest blunders I've ever seen. EVER. First up for bid was a tailgating set by Coleman. It was a full set, with a couple grills, several pieces of equipment, the whole nine yards. Claire was last to bid, and the highest bid at that point was $850. Apparently Claire felt the tailgating set cost more than $850, a point which I whole-heartedly agree with. However, instead of just bidding $851 and giving her a victory with any price over that amount, she went ahead and bid $1975. Drew looked at her with this incredulous look, then said, "You went with the year I graduated high school. Best of luck to you." Claire must know something we don't. Or she doesn't know anything at all. Turns out it was the latter. Actual retail price was $900 and Claire did not win.
Second item up for bid was an elliptical. The two highests bids prior to Claire's bid were $850 (again, please note) and $2200. Now, unless that elliptical comes with a big screen TV, personal service and massage therapy, that thing is not more than $2200. And the massive gap between $850 and $2200 would have been much too enticing for me not to bid $851. Instead, Claire took the over and went $2201. She didn't win.
For the third bid, Claire was bidding on a steamer and seemed to have her wits about her, bidding $850 (the irony of this number is incredible). The last bidder went with $851 (poor Claire) and won, considering the steamer was $2200. I can't believe a freakin steamer costs $2200. That thing better make my stuff looks like it's fresh out of an Asian dry cleaner.
As I was typing this, we just saw a tremendous duel in the showcase showdown spinning the wheel. A man and woman both spun $.90 so they went to OT. In the first OT, the guy went first and rolled a dismal $.15. You can't get much worse. There are only 3 numbers she can spin that will keep him alive, it's a gimme. Fortunately for him the woman had enough in her to spin the wheel around EXACTLY two times and land on $.15. So we went to double OT. He spun $.40 and she blew him out of the water with $.80 for a thrilling victory.
Claire just lost again. I'm resigned to the fact that she's the dumbest contestant in the history of PIR and will not be leaving bidder's row today.
For those of you fantasy football lovers, my dad sent me this video today. My jaw was hanging the entire time. I have trouble believing any of these actually happened and that it's merely a product of computer engineering. Either that or they shot these clips all day. No way they did any of these in one try. The margin for error is too small. But what troubles me most is the player roster for this...
Chris Cooley
Jason Campbell
Marques Colston (The best of the bunch)
Chris Chambers (a flop every year, not even the best WR on his team)
Marc Bulger (seriously?)
Mason Crosby (not bad, but he's a kicker)
Laurence Maroney (maybe this is why he is always injured...he's doing stupid stunts like this. Although it was pretty incredible.)
Regardless, I'm already pumped for next year's Fantasy Football season. Enjoy.
Which one is your favorite?
-Bess
But alas, I have already developed a solid daily routine. I wake up by 8am, sometimes earlier if I bring my brother to school. At 8am I begin switching between FoxNews and The Today Show. At 9am it's Regis and Kelly, then back to the Today Show at 10am. Finally, at 11am, it's PIR. Nothing else. No excuses. Easily it's the greatest show on television whether you hate Drew Carey or not. At this point, I don't even care. I love the games, bidding on prizes and the idiots they allow on television.
Which is why I'm blogging right now. This morning there's a woman named "Claire" in the far right position on bidder's row. Through the first two bids, she made two of the biggest blunders I've ever seen. EVER. First up for bid was a tailgating set by Coleman. It was a full set, with a couple grills, several pieces of equipment, the whole nine yards. Claire was last to bid, and the highest bid at that point was $850. Apparently Claire felt the tailgating set cost more than $850, a point which I whole-heartedly agree with. However, instead of just bidding $851 and giving her a victory with any price over that amount, she went ahead and bid $1975. Drew looked at her with this incredulous look, then said, "You went with the year I graduated high school. Best of luck to you." Claire must know something we don't. Or she doesn't know anything at all. Turns out it was the latter. Actual retail price was $900 and Claire did not win.
Second item up for bid was an elliptical. The two highests bids prior to Claire's bid were $850 (again, please note) and $2200. Now, unless that elliptical comes with a big screen TV, personal service and massage therapy, that thing is not more than $2200. And the massive gap between $850 and $2200 would have been much too enticing for me not to bid $851. Instead, Claire took the over and went $2201. She didn't win.
For the third bid, Claire was bidding on a steamer and seemed to have her wits about her, bidding $850 (the irony of this number is incredible). The last bidder went with $851 (poor Claire) and won, considering the steamer was $2200. I can't believe a freakin steamer costs $2200. That thing better make my stuff looks like it's fresh out of an Asian dry cleaner.
As I was typing this, we just saw a tremendous duel in the showcase showdown spinning the wheel. A man and woman both spun $.90 so they went to OT. In the first OT, the guy went first and rolled a dismal $.15. You can't get much worse. There are only 3 numbers she can spin that will keep him alive, it's a gimme. Fortunately for him the woman had enough in her to spin the wheel around EXACTLY two times and land on $.15. So we went to double OT. He spun $.40 and she blew him out of the water with $.80 for a thrilling victory.
Claire just lost again. I'm resigned to the fact that she's the dumbest contestant in the history of PIR and will not be leaving bidder's row today.
For those of you fantasy football lovers, my dad sent me this video today. My jaw was hanging the entire time. I have trouble believing any of these actually happened and that it's merely a product of computer engineering. Either that or they shot these clips all day. No way they did any of these in one try. The margin for error is too small. But what troubles me most is the player roster for this...
Chris Cooley
Jason Campbell
Marques Colston (The best of the bunch)
Chris Chambers (a flop every year, not even the best WR on his team)
Marc Bulger (seriously?)
Mason Crosby (not bad, but he's a kicker)
Laurence Maroney (maybe this is why he is always injured...he's doing stupid stunts like this. Although it was pretty incredible.)
Regardless, I'm already pumped for next year's Fantasy Football season. Enjoy.
Which one is your favorite?
-Bess
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