Thursday, February 26, 2015

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Keefe's 1st Round NFL Mock Draft

This is how I would draft at each spot, not my guess of where guys will go. 

1. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Leonard Williams, DT, USC
I read somewhere that Williams is "unblockable."  That seems pretty good.  Unfair, really.  How do you pass that up?  Also I don't love the QBs (they'll probably take Winston).

2. Tennessee Titans - Randy Gregory, DE, Nebraska
Remember "The Freak?"  Kearse was awesome for the Titans, and they'll have their choice of top pass rushers at #2.  Gregory is not the biggest dude in the world but he gets after the QBs and gets after them hard.  Real hard.

3. Jacksonville Jaguars - Brandon Scherff, OL, Iowa
Boring and brilliant.  That's how you describe taking the best offensive lineman in the draft.

4. Oakland Raiders - Kevin White, WR, West Virginia
This is another sick wideout class.  Is it Beckham, Benjamin, Watkins, Cooks, Evans, Matthews, Landry, Adams, etc.?  Let's not get nuts, but it's good, and I slightly like White the most.

5. Washington Redskins - Dante Fowler, Jr., DE/OLB, Florida
Another beast of a pass rusher.  Skins are done with Brian Orakpo (I assume)..."Hey, it's All-Pro LB Brian Orakpo!"  Settle down.  Fowler also ran his 40 with a gold watch on, so he means BUSINESS.

6. New York Jets - Jameis Winston, QB, Florida State
I've said before I don't like any of the QBs in this draft, but that seems narrow minded.  Someone has to take a QB and if I'm the Jets you got to do something.  If Winston is there, take him.  Don't let him near women or crab shacks for 8-9 years and you should be set.

7. Chicago Bears - Shane Ray, DE, Missouri
I was pissed Ray didn't run at the combine.  I love the combine!  Imagine this guy in spandex?  Go ahead, I'll wait...

8. Atlanta Falcons - Trae Waynes, CB, Michigan State
Best corner is also the fastest corner??? Sold.

9. New York Giants - Vic Beasley, DE, Clemson
Speaking of combine, you see this guy?  Fastest D-Lineman AND most reps on the bench.  He was molded out of stone by Zeus himself.  Can he play?  I'm sorry, I'm too busy admiring his physique.

10. St. Louis Rams - Marcus Peters, CB, Washington
I'm sure the Rams would hope that Waynes drops to 10, if not scoop up Peters. (The next best CB according to The Sports Brief.)

11. Minnesota Vikings - Melvin Gordon, RB, Wisconsin
The Vikes and AP are having a pissing match.  If the "Father of the Year" is gone Minnesota might want to take the best back in the draft.  Jerick McKinnon is good, but Gordon could be great.  Jamaal Charles comps anyone?  Although I wonder if that's cause they 1.) have dreads 2.) team wears red 3.) #25.  Did I just blow your mind?

12. Cleveland Browns - Amari Cooper, WR, Alabama
Cooper AND Josh Gordon???  (What's that?  Really?  Again?  Oh.)  Well... Cooper is a nice player.  Alabama threw to him literally every time.  It was like a video game and Cooper was your "create-a-player."  Throw to someone else Blake Sims!  One time!

13. New Orleans Saints - Kevin Johnson, CB, Wake Forest
The Mayor of Sacramento, one of the most underrated point guards in NBA history shares a name with this player.

14. Miami Dolphins - La'el Collins, OL, LSU
It's a Bully Free Zone now in Miami, but they still need lineman.  Best "La'el" in the draft.

15. San Francisco 49ers - Danny Shelton, DT, Washington
I like this big fella.  Lot of Haloti Ngata comparisons.  Sweet upper chest tattoos as well you should check out.

16. Houston Texans - Dorial Green-Beckham, WR, Missouri
Odell Beckham.  David Beckham.  Dorial Green-Beckham.  I may change my name, or just tag it on the end like Dorial.  Rich Keefe-Beckham.  Feels good.  DGB is like Megatron with a love for weed.

17. San Diego Chargers - Malcom Brown, DT, Texas
A mountain of a man.  Not as exciting as High Megatron but an important part of the defense.

18. Kansas City Chiefs - DeVante Parker, WR, Louisville
Another badass receiver: 6'3, 209 with a 4.45 40.  Don't know if you heard but the Chiefs DID NOT throw a TD to a WR last year.  I hope they draft one here, of course it'll still be Alex Smith (not) throwing to them.

19. Cleveland Browns (from Bills) - Bud Dupree, DE, Kentucky
Bud!  This guys 4.56 in the 40.  42 inch vertical.  11'6 in the broad.  I'm going to assume he can play, but if not you'd want him on your "Field Day" team.

20. Philadelphia Eagles - Marcus Mariota, QB, Oregon
I know he'll probably go higher, maybe Chip Kelly will trade up and get him.  I don't think Mariota will be a good NFL QB, but if he goes to Philly he should be at least ok.  Nick Foles and Mark Sanchez had their moments in this offense.  Plus his interviews were reportedly, "AMAZING."

21. Cincinnati Bengals - Landon Collins, S, Alabama
Bama players have been a mixed bag.  For awhile they all (on defense) kinda sucked.  But Dont'a Hightower is real good now.  Marcel Dareus, Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, C.J. Mosley, etc. are good now.  Collins is highest rated safety, but when I watched him this year I wasn't impressed.  I know this is my mock draft, I'm still conflicted.

22. Pittsburgh Steelers - Shaq Thompson, LB/S/RB, Washington
LOVE this guy.  Drafted by the Red Sox.  Played RB, S, and LB at Washington.  Weird, Patriots could use a RB, a S, and a LB.  Of course it would be the Steelers to "steel" (hilarious) him away from New England.  Pitt drafts well.  Also, we will now get an influx of "Shaqs" in the world, sadly we are only a few years away from a bunch of "LeBrons."

23. Detroit Lions - P.J. Williams, CB, Florida State
His FSU teammate Ronald Darby is faster, so you'd think I'd like him more, but truth is Williams is better.  He could be the #2 CB taken after Waynes.  Eye of the beholder scenario in play.

24. Arizona Cardinals - Arik Armstead, DE, Oregon
His brother was Patriot great Armond Armstead.  (Ok, he was useless.)  The Ducks are known for their offense but they've had some sneaky good d-players.  Dion Jordan, Kiko Alonso, Patrick Chung 2.0 and now Armstead.

25. Carolina Panthers - T.J. Clemmings, OT, Pittsburgh
Big, Raw, and hopefully coachable.  Exactly how I've been described, off the field... if you follow.  It also applies to Clemmings... on the field.

26. Baltimore Ravens - Todd Gurley, RB, Georgia
Torn ACL in November.  He should be fine.  Amazing how far medicine has come.  LB Alivn Mack from The Program tore his ACL and we never heard from him again.  Sad.  Gurley is sick though.  Fast as all get out.  Don't see him falling out of Round 1.

27. Dallas Cowboys - Maxx Williams, TE, Minnesota
What's up with that second "X."  Take it to the MAXX!  I don't know.  How long can Jason Witten play?  I also don't know, but it can't be forever.  Weak TE class, Maxx is the best it offers.

28. Denver Broncos - Jordan Phillips, DT, Oklahoma
What could I say about Jordan Phillips that hasn't been said already?

29. Indianapolis Colts - Benardrick McKinney, LB, Mississippi State
You think there was a fight over what to name Benardrick?  "I like Benard."  "Well, I like Rick."  "Should we blend them together?"  "Obviously, let's do that."  Benardrick.  I kinda like it.  Richardrick Keefe-Beckham.  Here I come.

30. Green Bay Packers - Denzel Perryman, LB, Miami
I like Paul Dawson (who might be like Vontaze Burflict following his combine performance) but with Perryman on the board and a LB need, take the Hurricane here.  I did hear that he came to the combine a little fat and doesn't want to lose weight.  Who does?

31. Seattle Seahawks - Andrus Peat, OT, Stanford
Jonathan Martin gave all Stanford lineman a bad name.  It's now up to Andrus Peat to prove that not all Cardinal OL are guys who will be bullied.  Good luck with a name like Andrus Peat.   He should try this: Andrusrick Peat-Beckham.  Bullying problem solved.

32. New England Patriots - Ali Marpet, OL, Hobart
I know what you're thinking, "Seems high."  Well, hear me out.  Belichick usually goes away from what's expected in the draft and what's more unexpected than a D3 lineman?  Some of the guys who I think would be a real good fit for New England (Shaq Thompson) I assume will be gone, so grab a guy who fills a need.  Marpet could slot in at guard right away, replace Dan Connolley and go straight to the Hall of Fame.

Non 1st Rounders I Like:
  • Tyler Lockett, WR, Kansas State
  • Ameer Abdullah, RB, Nebraska
  • Paul Dawson, LB, TCU
  • Duke Johnson, RB, Miami
  • Braylon Heard, RB, Kentucky
  • Rashad Greene, WR, Florida State
  • Jalen Collins, CB, LSU
  • Bryce Hager, LB, Baylor

Bachelor Recap: Checkmate for Kaitlyn

As a 5th grader at Sgt. William H. Carney Academy, I was a member of the school's chess club. I spent most of the year ranked in the top-5 and at one point took down the #1 ranked player in the school. Very talented. Needless to say, I've played a lot of chess in my day. So last night, I knew the exact feeling Kaitlyn had when she saw Becca and Chris emerge together after he had taken her away to chat at the rose ceremony. It was like that moment in a chess game where things are going along just fine and then, in an instant, just as your opponent reaches for a piece, you realize you're fucked. You see the move clear as day, wonder how the fuck you missed it in the first place, and are left piecing life back together lamenting at how it all went so wrong, so fast.

That reaction said it all. Knight to King 4, checkmate.

And oddly enough, ABC took the drama right out of it. At this point we all knew Becca was moving on. Why would Chris have brought her back to the ceremony if he didn't plan on giving her a rose? That's why I was surprised when the first name he stated was Whitney. It took the theater right out of it. We knew Becca was getting one. Why not knock her off first, then let us sweat out a possible change of heart on Whitney. But it didn't happen. I'll question that move for a while.

In last week's blog I mentioned that Becca was playing the Virgin thing perfectly, waiting until this week before using it as her "Get out jail free card". Chris couldn't send her home with the risk of looking like a prick. She was two steps ahead, playing chess while the others play checkers. And tonight was her Bobby Fischer moment. It was incredible to watch her wait until the very last moment. Like Lumberg waiting until 5pm on Friday to tell Peter to work on Saturday.

You expected it to happen and for a while nothing did. And then finally, just when you thought it might not happen, it did. And then it was over. And honestly, I felt let down. I expected so much more out of it, so many more tears, consoling, questioning everything, whether people were there for the right reasons. A long walk on the beach looking out at the water telling us how confused he was. Something, anything. But instead we got a brief pause and a thank you. And it was over.

Overall I thought the episode was pretty boring. Kaitlyn and Chris played with monkeys and she accepted the invite into the fantasy suite. We knew she would. She was the one that talked about test driving the car w/ Kimmel.

Whitney's date was fine. She looked like an absolute dime thanks to a recent spray tan, and they did the obligatory jump off the boat into the water. When it came time to dinner, Chris pressed her with more serious, long-term questions. We didn't see this with Kaitlyn, so it was definitely an indication of where he viewed the two relationships. And if this was a test, Whitney aced it...

“Life takes you places. It’s now where you are, it’s who you’re with.” will soon enter the pantheon of all-time great quotes overused by women.

I mean what a move by Whitney here. You've got Chris underselling Arlington as hard as he can, giving her every out, and she basically calls his bluff. Drops that quote on him and essentially says here's my fertile soil, plant your seed, Prince Farming.

Becca's date was boring. But she's been boring all season, so this was no surprise. I caught up on social media and played Words With Friends while listening and waiting for the V chat.

After the dates, we saw Chris grapple with the difficult decision, discussing it with CBH over a glass of iced tea. No surprise here considering Chris told all three women he was falling in love with them. Am I the only who found this somewhat absurd? What happened to The Bachelor(ette) being prohibited from divulging this, I thought it was against Bachelor rules?

Anyway, Whitney and Becca survived and Kaitlyn is a virtual lock to be the next Bachelorette. I don't see how it can be anyone else. She's smoking hot, that lipstick she was wearing tonight was pure fire, and she's got the personality to carry the season. And she left Becca hanging after getting dumped.

Even Chris felt uncomfortable seeing that one.

Women Tell All next week. Should be a great way to take the week off, recharge our engines and prep for the final in two weeks. Sticking to my theory that Whitney takes the crown.

P.S. Tonight marked the anniversary of Sean breaking up with AshLee in Thailand. To me, still the greatest breakup in the history of The Bachelor franchise. This was AshLee's finest hour and lowest moment wrapped into one. We'll never see her as hot as she was that night. Nor will we ever see a woman burn through a man with eyes like that again. Relive it again for old time's sake.

Monday, February 23, 2015

New Name, New Game?

B.J. Upton is no longer.  Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for Melvin. Upton. Jr.  .... You there?   Well good old Melvin is not the only one out there who has changed their name with a hopeful push towards greatness.  Who did it best?

Wrestling (a million obviously)
Papa Shango - Kama - The Godfather
Cactus Jack - Mankind - Dude Love - Mick Foley
Thurman "Sparky" Plugg - Hardcore Holly
Razor Ramon - Scott Hall
Diesel - Kevin Nash
Dr. Issac Yankem - Kane - Corporate Kane
Rocky Maivia - The Rock
1-2-3 Kid - Syxx - X-Pac
Mike Rotunda - I.R.S.
Mabel - Viscera - Big Daddy V
Ron Simmons - Farooq
Johnny Polo - Raven
Aldo Montoya - Justin Credible
Many, Many More

Tampa Bay Devil Rays - Tampa Bay Rays
California Angels - Anaheim Angels - Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Joey Belle - Albert Belle
Fausto Carmona - Robert Hernandez
Leo Nunez - Juan Carlos Oviedo
Johan Santana - Ervin Santana
John Paul Bonser - Boof Bonser
Mike Stanton - Giancarlo Stanton
B.J. Upton - Melvin Upton, Jr.

Lew Alcindor - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Lloyd Bernard Free - World B. Free
Chris Jackson - Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf
Ron Artest - Metta World Peace
Akeem Olajuwon - Hakeem Olajuwon
Olivier Saint-Jean - Tariq Abdul-Wahad
Brian Williams - Bison Dele
Bill Walker - Henry Walker

Cassius Clay - Muhammad Ali
Bobby Moore - Ahmad Rashad
Chad Johnson - Chad Ochocinco
Domanick Davis - Domanick Williams

Best 40 Times by Position at the NFL Combine

Wide Receiver:
1. J.J. Nelson (UAB) 4.28
2. Phillip Dorsett (Miami) 4.33
3. Chris Conley (Georgia) 4.35
3. Kevin White (West Virginia) 4.35
5. Tyler Lockett (Kansas State) 4.40
6. Tre McBride (William & Mary) 4.41
7. Devin Smith (Ohio State) 4.42
7. Kenny Bell (Nebraska) 4.42
7. Nelson Agholor (USC) 4.42
7. Amari Cooper (Alabama) 4.42

DeVante Parker (Louisville) 4.45
Dorial Green-Beckham (Missouri) 4.49
Rashad Greene (Florida State) 4.53
Devin Funchess (Michigan) 4.70 (worst for WR at combine)

Running Back:
1. Jeremy Langford (Michigan State) 4.42
2. Karlos Williams (Florida State) 4.48
3. Trey Williams (Texas A&M) 4.49
4. David Johnson (Northern Iowa) 4.50
5. Melvin Gordon (Wisconsin) 4.52

Duke Johnson (Miami) 4.54
Jay Ajayi (Boise State) 4.57
Ameer Abdullah (Nebraska) 4.60
T.J. Yeldon (Alabama) 4.61
Braylon Heard (Kentucky) 4.63

1. Marcus Mariota (Oregon) 4.52
2. Nick Marshall (Auburn) 4.54
3. Blake Sims (Alabama) 4.57
4. Brett Hundley (UCLA) 4.63
4. Cody Farjardo (Nevada) 4.63

Bryce Petty (Baylor) 4.87
Jameis Winston (Florida State) 4.97
Sean Mannion (Oregon State) 5.14

Defensive Back:
1. Trae Waynes (Michigan State) 4.31
2. Ronald Darby (Florida State) 4.38
3. Doran Grant (Ohio State) 4.44
3. Josh Shaw (USC) 4.44
3. Craig Mager (Texas State) 4.44
3. Charles Gaines (Louisville) 4.44

Senquez Golson (Ole Miss) 4.46
Jalen Collins (LSU) 4.48
Kevin Johnson (Wake Forest) 4.52
Marcus Peters (Washington) 4.53
P.J. Williams (Florida State) 4.57
Shaq Thompson (Washington) 4.64 - Ran with LBs
Byron Jones (UConn) Did Not Run

UConn CB Byron Jones Is Insane

12'3 broad jump
44.5 vertical


Mir back in the win column; Superman punch wins the night

Amidst all the Oscars enjoyment - or lack thereof depending on your opinion or if you write for Slate - was a free UFC card on Fox Sports 1 featuring a heavyweight main event. Frank Mir, the former two-time UFC champ, took on Antonio "Big Foot" Silva in a virtual must-win for both guys.

As noted in my blog the other day, Mir hadn't won since 2011 and was the loser of four straight. Not a good look. Silva, meanwhile, had seen his star fade quickly. After two blistering KO's of Travis Browne and Alistair Overeem, Big Foot got clobbered in a title fight against Cain Velasquez, fought to an epic draw against Mark Hunt, then got flattened again by Andrei Arlovski in his last fight.

Mir promised he was fully healthy for the first time in years after scaling back his training regimen and it showed. A couple minutes in, a lead jab was quickly followed up by a ranging, short left hook that caught Big Foot's chin and sent him toppling to the canvas. Mir pounded into side position and threw some hellacious ground and pound forcing the stoppage.

It was vintage Mir, and while it's hard to say where he stands in the division, he bought himself one more high-profile fight. Many speculate it'll be Brock Lesnar after his WWE contract expires, but I'm not buying into it. I'd rather see a clash against the likes of Arlovski or the rising Matt Mitrione to gauge if last night's win was a flash in the pan (see Tito vs. Bader back in '09) or if Mir has enough in him to make one final run at the crown before retirement.

And while the Mir victory was headline news, not to be outdone was unheralded Matt Dwyer. On the undercard, Dwyer landed a superman punch that put William Patalino on queer street. The follow up was unnecessary but still enjoyed by all except Patalino who probably has a headache this morning. Enjoy.