Chris Makes Corn, Jade Makes Porn

Monday night we had Part 2 of the two-night Bachelor special. After competing with SNL's 40th Anniversary special and the NBA All-Star Game, it felt like a great bounce-back opportunity for The Bachelor franchise. And for the most part, they delivered. Let's dive in...

Rose Ceremony #1
We start out with the first rose ceremony of the night. Six women, four roses, and an unstable Britt fighting for her reality TV life. She, like those of us at home watching, could sense the end was near. Now selfishly I was hoping she would pull a Costanza and hit him with the pre-emptive breakup as I would get major points for that in my fantasy league. But nonetheless, she put up a pretty weak fight and he showed her out.




Not to be overlooked, however, was that one more person had to go home before Hometowns. And as expected, it was Carly who got the ax. I can't help but feel Carly did this to herself. I mentioned a couple weeks ago that the trap had been set with Britt. Some of the girls focus their attention on taking her out and lose sight of building their relationship with Chris. It never ends well for those that take the bait. And Carly took it.

I also feel The Bachelor producers missed a HUGE opportunity here. Moments before dumping Carly, Chris admitted to Britt it was her that told him. And then within minutes they're both going home. This set the stage for what could have been an epic confrontation. How do you not go full WWE here and have them square off? Here are just a couple basic storylines they could've run with:

1. The limo pulls up for Carly and she gets in. The door is shut behind her and you hear the audible lock, then she looks up to realize Britt is waiting in the limo for her. GoPro's are set up all over the interior to capture a No Holds Barred "Hell in the Cell" match. 
2. Britt is waiting outside when Carly's limo pulls up and we've got Batista vs. JBL all over again...

But alas, they both went pretty quietly and we move onto the hometowns.

Becca's Hometown
We start out with the Virgin and it's immediately awkward. She still hasn't told him, and we start to hear about how she's never brought a guy home. She's 25. This is a MAJOR red flag.

Her family really drums it up while he's there which makes it even more uncomfortable. Right off the bat you could sense the sister was going to be a problem. Older sister, not nearly as attractive, likely jealous of her younger, hotter sibling. Sabotage City. She rambles on about how Becca is not an affectionate person, doesn't show affection in public, etc. Nutso.

Becca somehow survives and they go to the Ferris Wheel. I wanted so badly for her to tell him at the top of the Ferris Wheel. That would have been the perfect time to drop the Virgin bomb. But alas, she can't get herself to do it. Little did we know Becca was playing chess - Knight to Queen 6, Check. (More on this later).

Whitney's Hometown
Next is Whitney. We learn he's in Chicago and immediately I'm confused. I thought she was from Kentucky? Then I remember...whoops!

So we're in Chicago and she takes him to her fertility clinic to give him a slice of her daily life. She looks hot in scrubs, he looks like a big penis. After a bit of the grand tour, she takes him into the masturbation room to show him the digs and alludes to wanting him to offer a sample so they can evaluate it. I so wish she had Jade's Playboy video looping on the TV. Eventually she confesses it's a joke and they have a good laugh. Not bad, Whitney. My buddy Eric made a good call in that it was similar to Sean convincing Catherine he still lived at home.




They head off to have dinner with her Uncle, who seems like the man, sister, brother-in-law, and grandmother. Once again, the sister is problematic for the contestant. In this case, Whitney's sister just seems like a flat out bitch. Refuses when Whitney asks if she'll give Chris her blessing and we've got ourselves a train wreck in the making. Somehow, it doesn't go as bad as we anticipate, as I liked how she concluded the conversation telling him to call her for that blessing if and when Whitney is the last one standing. I hope they close the loop on that if it happens.

Sidebar: Did anyone figure out what brand of wine Whitney had splurged on? She hyped it up so I'm hoping it's the Louis XIII of wine and not a Bogle.


Kaitlyn's Hometown
Next up is Kaitlyn and we're treated to a really terrible, awkward recording session at a local studio. I couldn't help but laugh at the sound engineer/producer bobbing his head to the beat as if it was any good. You're working some shitty, fake recording session for an episode of The Bachelor. No need to act like you're in the studio with Snoop and Dre.

Overall, this date felt pretty quick and harmless. Her family's fire pit dinner game is on point. Next level dining right there. But without question Kaitlyn came out of hometowns the cleanest.

Jade's Hometown
The big topic for Jade's was obviously the Playboy thing. There was no question it would come to a head on this episode, and her family spent most of the date teeing it up for her. Her dad alluded to knowing and accepting people for who they are, and her little brother called her a "Wild Mustang". And let's not ignore the fact that her name is "Jade". She was basically destined to work in adult entertainment field with that name. How good of a porn name would "Jade Soules" be? It could also pass for an upscale Chinese restaurant. We have "Crystal Jade" in San Francisco. Coming Soon to Iowa: Jade Soules Asian Cuisine.

She shows him the video and honestly I thought this was a brilliant strategy by Jade. You're one week away from the fantasy suite and, as a guy, how does your head not go there? Even if you realize she's not wife material, her showing you this days away from the fantasy suites is practically a green light.

It goes awkwardly, mostly because he is awkward, and we head off to the rose ceremony.

Rose Ceremony #2
Whitney pulls the first rose she's my last horse in the (fantasy) race. I really like her odds at this point.

Kaitlyn gets the second, which I felt was obvious, and the final rose is a showdown between the Porn Star and The Virgin. And this is where I go back to my comment about Becca playing Chess while the rest of these women are playing checkers.

The Virgin thing is a pretty big deal, and whether it's right or not, could absolutely be a deal breaker for him much like Jade's Playboy past could be. But Becca banked on herself getting a rose and saved her "Get out of jail free" card for next week. If she made it to the fantasy suite and THEN drops the bomb on him, there's ZERO chance he can send her home that week. He would look like an absolute prick. In hindsight, it was great, steady game management by Becca this week and she needs to be recognized for that. Meanwhile, Jade came forward with the Playboy background and you can't help but feel it cost her in the end. Had she waited and made it to the fantasy suite, that could've been an easy way to tell him. Right as things are heating up in the suite, just hit him with "Hey look at this video I made, want to make our own?"

Anyway, Becca gets the third and final rose and Jade gets the walk out. I have to say, the music they play here is flawless. It's the same song they played when Sean sent Desiree packing and, like her, I think Chris made a big mistake here. Jade's emotions and reactions to being sent home seemed pretty genuine. Very rarely do I feel bad for any of these people, but in this case I did.

So next week we head to Bali and the fantasy suite. I'll be posting my predictions later this week and will also break down the candidates for next season's The Bachelorette.